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| What a heaven baby ni dapat minum purely mother milk....oooh...guilty...guilty....guilty..... |
I intend lots….a lots of intention yang baik2 belaka nak buat…tapi….gone!! bila sampai masanya. Sewaktu melahirkan Danial sayer masih jahil lagi…sebab insufficient knowledge in parenting and becoz of dats saya hanya menyusu 4 bulan sahaja itupun 30% sahaja susu badan. Waktu melahirkan Waffry saya dah tak keruan bilamana my breast is keeping swelling until I cannot move…Oh my god! Its so big and hurts….sampai my MIL tengok pun tak tau nak buat cemana. Dia hanya mampu pi mai..pi mai tengok sayer mengerang kesakitan…..and akhirnya I got an advised dari sape tah suruh letak kubis and you know the pain is slowly gone…and the breast slowly move to a normal shape….After 2 weeks I suddenly without any logical reason stop to breastfeed my baby Hanif Waffry and I didn’t feel any guilty at all……..But for third one, I actually put an intention as early my pregnancy reach 6 month to exclusively breastfeed my baby but don’t know why after the surgery my breast did not show any progress that it will produce a milk and I give the signal to my ‘otak’ dats ohhh…tak dak susu kot….Oh what a mistake dat time…good attention but jahil coz I’m not put an effort before to search and find many information regarding breastfeeding. So!...one of my good friend bring a ‘bidan’ during my confinement period ….if I’m not mistaken after 3 week deliver a baby and the ‘bidan’ punyala urut my breast nak bagi susu keluar…..and it is….ada susu and she siap pesan kat saya lagi yg tonight might be I cannot sleep coz the breast will keep producing milk and it gonna swell for a while…but nothing happened at dat night….ohhhhh….failed again!!! And yet…I didn’t feel deeply guilty at all…..
So sweet........
But today( standing tau)….I really want to breastfeed my fourth baby….not becoz ooohhhh…anak ramai mestilah nak jimat….no! no! …gaji suami dan saya mampu nak beli susu mahal pun (bulan belagak saja nak mempertahankan niat)..tapi becoz of responsibility as a mother(motherly la sangat)…for me tak tau kenapa 1-2 tahun ini sayer rasa my big mistake ialah tidak mencari ilmu yg cukup sbg bekalan untuk menjadi parent yang baik….other parts is ok kot…but when talking about breastfeed sayer selalu rasa bersalah….lama dah this feeling keep linger in my head….is dats becoz I’m stupid? Jahil? Bodoh? Malas? Selfish? Nak senang jer? Or anything la……
I’m so lucky compared with all my sons coz I got purely milk form my mother until 2 years…exclusive ok!!!!and dats why feeling guilty is always come and go when I failed to breastfeed my sons without any logical reason…So start from now….I do Google, search engine, find as much info as I can with an advised and assistant from my friends and my SIL (Hawa) pertaining breasfeeding and hopefully my good intention will be realized sooner…Ya Allah permudahkanlah niat dan urusanku…semoga engkau memberikan aku kekuatan untuk meneruskan niat baik ini dan semoga semua anak2ku dipeliharaMy selalu..Amin……
Till then, see u next time…dats all from me…..
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