Marah itu tanda kasih, sayang, pengajaran

Assalamualaikum...

Almost 6 months we have no maid and everything I did myself. Everything...Yes Everything....everything as managing my kids (school, uniform, kafa, lunch, ngaji Quran Tajwid, prepare for dinner,  laundry, cleaning, washing, moping, watering, everrryyythinggg...)

Tak terkata penatnya untuk buat semua ini, tapi tak terbilang juga kalau saya lakukan itu dengan Ikhlas dan pahala yang saya dapat itu akan berganda2.  Tapi apakan daya, saya manusia biasa. Ada punya rasa marah, geram, sakit hati, penat, letih, ngantuk dan sebagainya.

Sering kala saya remindkan diri untuk be patient and passion as it can make me to be more cool and calm and seringkali juga saya beperang dengan hati saya.  Bila at my room (at my workplace) saya slalu dibelenggu rasa resah, bersalah dan geram dengan diri sendiri sekiranya ada rasa marah yg saya lontarkan pada anak2.  Hati saya slalu katakan pada diri saya pula bahawa they are kids...what they know...they do as what every kids do. Dont expect that they will do cleaning as you do, makan sapu meja sampai berkilat, kalau tumpah air lap sampai bersih, baju cantik2 aja masuk dalam bakul, kasut susun teratur kecik sampai paling besar saiznya, mainan susun cantik dan teratur....Nope! Mereka adalah boys....boys normally not really tidy up all the mess perfectly...boys sometime make mess  n dirty.. OH! normally not sometime.. but OFTEN...boys always scream...boys too are always do joking like fighting.....
But...but...one thing dats I always adore about my kids is their  hearts always clean...never keep things deep inside of their heart...tonight i scold, next day they forget it...today I scream, 1 hours later they smile at me..and nothing matters to them.  How happy to be a kids....while I was a kid I never feel sad...happiness is my fren...happiness is my always with me...happy with fren, with my sister and brother and happy with my mak...
It's not that fair keep yelling most of the time to kids and ignore what they want and need. They do have need not only eat and play but everything.  Need to express their feeling, pour idea on something, need to gain attention, need to voice out what they feel, need to play among them and need to show the power of them.
As parents we always forget to respect and  accept what they feel as we always do give an attention to hear a story from our frenz...Do we prioritize  our frenz rather than our kids...Oh! that cruel.....
I love them soooooo much...nothing can dispute that ONE.. Hidup kerana Allah dan hidup juga kerana Anak dan Suami dan Ibu...
Saya tanamkan intention to be a good mother and seringkali saya ingkar perjajian dengan diri saya sendiri. Ok...today no more screaming2.yelling2..shouting2...
Last 2 night oleh kerana saya terlalu penat I heard Danial n Waffry had quarrel on something. Quarrel saja not fighting like kicking or something dat more bad la....tapi suddenly I was like harimau yg mengaum calling them both and commencing with slow voice but so sudden my voice is increasing to hingh level and I dont know Y I baling satu majalah DIY to dinding becoz 2 kali dah warning sblm tu...n I saw Danial was dropping his tears...Waffry knocked his head down like shocking for what I do...Ohh!!! I was thingking what I do hah!...Crazy women shouting at night...like woof in jungle mengamuk cari anak dia....
Bad...bad...bad...bad attitude of a mother...I'm teacher...lecturer...how could I do dis to my kids...then today i really realize that I should stop myself of being dat way lagi....STOP!.STOP! dont educate them with our anger yg stupid...
And so today and yesterday I was really calm as I thought it can make them forget what I did to them.  But I forgot dat they will memorize that thing as their learning process. Learning from a bad teacher. Ya Allah semoga kau lindungi hati ini dari sifat marah keterlaluan. Kurniakanku hati yang baik dan bersih.
But they as I said la...always there for me to smile, hug and kiss, chat n talk...respect and relax...
Ya Allah kau jadikanlah anak2ku anak2 yang baik sifatnyatnya, soleh, beriman, mendengar kata, dan semoga kau mudahkan urusan menjadikan mereka jambatan untuk aku dan keluarga ke JannahMu. Amin...

Yg sulung sungguh cool

Abah dan sebahagian anak

Ibu n bongsu yg sungguh disayangi...baby! we love u so much!!!

baby n bang chik

ibu n si kaki smart....Waffry

ibu n baby shomelll.....

Bang Chik yang comot...

suka berlakon

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3 of us...

cayang dia...

Duhai anak....ibu banyak khilaf..ibu byk silap, ibu juga banyak sebab....maafkan ibu andai terkasar bahasa, terlampau cara...tapi Ibu sangat sayang kamu semua.....Tapi ibu takkan pernah mendera ibu cuma meninggi suara tanda ibu apa yg ibu rasa....
Ibu love all of U more than I can say n even express by word...disini pun tak leh nak crita bagaimana kasih dan sayang itu bentuknya. 
Till then...hug n kiss from me to all of U.  One day bila baca ketahui waktu ibu muda2 ibu ni pun ada baran, bila tua harap2 ibu akan jadi lebihhhh penyayang...